Posts Tagged ‘opiates’

This guy, Jonah Hadley, Big Pastor J, headed off to Wells Maine to start a church. Keep his travels in prayer, pray to keep his family safe and pray for the lost to be found up in Maine.
6 years ago I was lost. I was a bottom feeding self induced drug addict paving my own prison pathway to destruction and death.
I was in the Salvation Army Rehabilitation Center trying to find out why and how I got to such a rock bottom in my life after a 10 year addiction to opiates and other drugs. Well that sentence explains the rock bottom. I needed help and I needed it fast.
One night at the Salvation Army, during a meeting that we were required to attend, in walks Jonah, this big dude, full head of hair, bible on his side and a determined stare. Here we go right?
He started to speak and all of a sudden my ears opened up. Now I wasn’t new to this Christian thing, I’ve been one most of my life, just never walked my talk.
Jonah started spitting truth. Right from his heart. No beating around the bush, no watery phrases or advice of the world; he gave a short testimony and went on to talk about how you can basically become free from this so called ‘disease’ of addiction. There are about 100 guys in this room, and hearing Jonah speak like he was talking directly to me or someone one on one in front of so many roughed up men, was impressive.
God used Jonah to get to me, as well as so many, God also used the program, its counselors and as a matter of fact, other addicts as well.
Jonah would come in once a month to the rehab and keep offering this freedom. He kept offering the Word of God and freedom through Christ and how simple it was.
Me and a bunch of others would eventually attend service, meetings at Calvary, which is now Great Rock Church. There we met other addicts, other people with issues just like us. A real down to earth community of believers.
I always thanked Jonah for his sincerity and his honesty although he always told me “it isn’t me brother, it’s the Lord”… I said I know man, but you chose to allow Him to work through you, and for that I thank you brother.
I can proudly say Jonah is a true friend. Always there to listen and definitely there to tell you how it is! He’s all about Truth, accountability and telling it how it should be but from the heart and most of all from the Word of God.
Thank you for being there for me brother. Thank you for hearing me when I was down and hearing me when I am up. Thank you for your strength and your faith that is displayed for myself and others to live and learn by. A true leader, made through discipleship from other strong leaders as well.
We’ll be visiting you soon up in Maine brother and will enjoy many more years together in His Light.

We’ll be keeping your path and your family in prayer. I know God has big things coming for those who keep the faith!!
My pastor, my friend, my brother. Godspeed.
“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26

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I moved out on my own I was finally free.

I signed a lease and boom, my own pad, my own apartment. I was so excited to finally take on the responsibilities of being an independent man. First thing’s first, a new T.V. I went to Best Buy, opened a credit line and got the biggest and baddest T.V. they had, well at that time, the Sony Wega. Lets get a virtual cinema surround sound system while I’m at it. I was a carpenter so I made a sweet set of custom maple speaker stands for the front left and right speakers. And let me tell you, that T.V. and surround sound system made movies alive!

I went out and got myself a little kitten. I couldn’t have a dog there so I figured a cat would be comforting enough. I opened up multiple credit cards, bought myself a really nice laptop, got some furniture, got a new truck, a new motorcycle and a new girlfriend. Things were great, really great. I owned my own business at the time and was making a lot of money, had a great reputation and made a lot of new connections. I held parties all the time and had friends over a lot too.

A few years went by, things were going good. I was successful and busy. I had a lot of new ‘friends’. I was really making a name for myself in the new town I was in. Until one day it hit me, like a ton of bricks… Oxycontin. Yes, the old school ones where you peel off the coating and go at it.

Someone had come over and introduced me to my new girlfriend, my new chemical romance. Now, I was drinking here and there, popping Valium and sniffing Ritalin, maybe some ecstasy once in a while, your typical weekend party moments. But nothing was more incredible and more euphoric than this form of oxycodone. I bumped a 10 mg line on my glass kitchen table and fell in love immediately. The sun came out in my living room. My smile went ear to ear. I leaned back and said to myself, “Why do I even go to the gym? This is great!”

I couldn’t believe the rush of happiness and strength I got off that one little 10 mg pill! It lasted quite a few hours too. I was just in simple amazement by what I experienced. Well, obviously that connection hung around for a bit. I put everything else aside that I tried and focused on my new obsession. I started using Oxycontin just on the weekends for a few months, I honestly thought it was so good that I didn’t want to waste it.

I noticed myself thinking about it during work. I also noticed how it freed me from stress and problems that were running through my mind. It took me away while still being here on earth, it helped me function better and perform better, so I thought. Things were still going great.

I started using during the week and I went up from 10 mg to 20 mg per bump. Cocaine came into the picture during the weekends too. I really didn’t like the cocaine and noticed that I needed to take a couple of oxy’s to counter the speeding rate of the coke. So I would do them after my bag ran out so I could sleep, after 12 hours of blowing cocaine up my nose, it was needed.

I would wake up pretty messed up, fighting with my girlfriend, getting in arguments with my friends. I was showing up to my jobs later and later. My landlord was getting complaints from my neighbors about me being too loud and saying weird things. I was like, whatever. It’s normal, I’m a free man living the dream! Everything’s gonnna be alright.

Well, I went from 10-20 mg a day to 40 mg. Then 40 mg to 80 mg. In just over a few months too. I had multiple connections. All my ‘friends’ were doing it too. Actually, just about everyone I knew was doing them. They were so easy to get and available 24-7.

Time goes by and my little mental vacation habit turned me into a full blown addict doing well over 1000 mg a day. I tried stopping in the early stages but nothing ever worked. I accepted myself as an addict too, I accepted myself as a junkie and justified my problem daily. I was railing two 80 mg Oxycontin for breakfast and an 80 every hour just to function. I was smoking cigarettes every 2 minutes too, close to 3 packs a day.

Now what I’m about to explain happened within the 3rd year of me abusing oxycodone. My entire run of being an addict lapsed 10 years, but the downward spiral started right around my 3rd year.

I started to not show up to work. I would take deposits on jobs and never show up on some of them. My girlfriend was fed up with me showing up late, lying and cheating, malnourished and unhygienic. Not being a good boyfriend at all so she left me. I would be late to any family gathering because I had to ‘pick up’ before I got there.  Credit card statements and bills we not getting paid.  I was getting threats of being kicked out of my apartment, I had 3 of my surrounding neighbors move within 6 months of each other due to my recklessness. Things were changing and I saw it, and not for the good either.
A few more years go by and I am stealing money from family members, stealing from stores, hustling anything I can to make a few bucks to go get high. I wasn’t making the money I had because my reputation was getting destroyed so my daily intake of oxy’s were dropping day by day and I was getting dope sick.

During this time of being dope sick, not showing up at work and hustling and thieving my way to get high, my truck got repossessed and I had to leave my home. I sold everything, my T.V., the surround sound, my lap top, my guitars, my couch, my motorcycles, my credit cards were maxed out by cash advances, I almost sold my cat… I became that guy that needed to ‘borrow’ money and things all the time. I bounced from home to home, even moved to the south for a year to get away and quickly realized that my problem followed me everywhere. I became homeless because my pride didn’t want to fix anything. I didn’t understand how to mend a bridge and didn’t care.

At this time I’m having full blown panic attacks, insomnia, skeletal pain, bicycle legs, hot sweats, cold chills, nightmares for the 2 minutes I may have got from a nap, diarrhea, heart palpitations to name a few. The flu had nothing on what I was going through. This spiritual and physical pain I was going through was something I wouldn’t want on my worst enemy.

Finally during my 10th year reign of self destruction, after losing everything that mattered to me and all my personal possessions, I became suicidal and did not want to live anymore. I was beyond depression and beyond mental illness. I was incredibly dope sick and needed out. Getting clean on my own was impossible and I knew it. I had no structure and not an ounce of effort to find any. My only hope was in a pill which I could no longer get.

I lost all my hope and all my faith.

I hit rock bottom.

I admitted myself into a 6 month rehab program at the Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center.

I will have 5 years clean this November 11th 2016. Today I am grateful for everyone at rehab, church, friends and family who offered admonishment, support, encouragement and their time to help me.

I have learned so many things in Recovery and still do to this day. I learned that we are all human and that we all may fall. I also learned that I can not judge another person when they fall. I’ve learned to give back and to help others. I’ve learned that we are all in need of a Savior which we so constantly search for on a daily basis. I have learned that God puts us through things for reasons and that we all have a purpose. I have come to know Jesus Christ as my Savior and understand that my purpose here is much greater than what my mind could and will ever conceive. I have learned that this life is not about me, it’s about others. It’s about sending a message that our Creator, in whom we are to glorify, loves us unconditionally and all He wants is for us to surrender our ways and to live according to His Word.


God is very real, miracles happen every day. I lost it all and got so much more back from nothing.

To be at total peace and to live in His harmonious Grace is the most overwhelming gift one can ever use.


Become Free. Become the Difference.

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Some of you may have read this before and agreed with it or disagreed with it.
The highlighted area is what bothers me.

If we believe we have a disease, that there is no cure, that we can’t beat it and that we will always struggle with it, then we will never get better.
God gave us the ability to conquer anything. How do we do that? We surrender to Him daily. We remain humble and admit we have a serious problem that is not only an addiction but something deeper that we need to fix.
I refuse to accept that addiction is a disease. We are able to overcome, we are able to succeed and we are able to let go.
This is why I named this site Become Free. I was an addict for over 10 years. I struggled with heroin, opiates, cocaine, benzo’s, anti depressants and God only knows what else.
My daily intake was over 1000 mg’s of OxyContin a day. I got to the point of suicide and absolute complete depression.

Then one day I gave my life to Jesus Christ and I haven’t been the same since. It took time and perseverance. It took rehab and wonderful people in rehab to help me. Over time I became free from my bondage and my slavery to drugs. I had a renewal of my mind, I gained my self control back and I am a new creation.
In order to believe I have a purpose I must believe I was created. As a book glorifies an author, as a painting glorifies an artist, so are we to glorify God.
And you know what is awesome, I’m not alone. There are so many that are living the same way. Freed from addiction.
You have to want it as bad as you wanted your poison.

I didn’t learn to deal with my addiction, I learned that I was in need of a Savior. I learned that I was created by an Almighty God that loves me no matter what I do. I learned that giving up MY ways and living according to His Word, I am set free!!!!!

Listen, God is either real or He’s a fantasy. You either have a purpose or you do not.

You have a choice to believe it or not and that choice is going to determine your lifestyle.

Become Free, Become the Difference.

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This is a little personal. I wrote this to myself the day before I admitted myself into a 6 month program at the Salvation Army rehabilitation center. I gave it to my brother and told him to give it to me when I got out.
I was suicidal. I was at my rock bottom. I had no hope and I had not an ounce of faith left. I am sharing it now because it is not only a reminder of where opiate abuse left me, but maybe someone will read this and will be able to relate. I’m not even sure why I wrote it, maybe after almost 10 years of running around like a rampant junkie, I finally wanted help. Maybe I knew I was finally ready? Because if it wasn’t then, if I didn’t get help, I knew I couldn’t go on any longer. Even breathing was painful. I was done.
By sharing this I’m hoping maybe someone can relate and find a bit of solitude or enough energy to get up and get help too… It may not make much sense but It sure did 4 years ago.

“You’re back, congrats for making 6 months of sobriety. DO NOT let it get to your head. You wrote this withdrawing, sick, diarrhea, confused, afraid, helpless, down, pissed off, ALONE. You did this all to yourself. All to yourself. You want this all back? Start sniffing those f****** percs up your nose. Go ahead, your life will go right back into a hole again, a lifeless, useless, lonely f****** hole.
You want to keep your life? Stick to Christ, family and surround yourself with encouraging people. Stay busy. Love what you have because what you have right now is so precious. Trust me, I wrote this. I AM YOU.
Just a reminder of how you felt the day before rehab… sick, food will not digest, cold sweats, hot flashes, diarrhea, INSOMNIA, headaches, heartburn, nausea, blurred vision, quivers, skeletal and joint pain.
Here are the pains, repercussions of life around you… You feel mentally inadequate, alone, afraid, people will not trust you. You hurt your beautiful mother, your brothers, your father (who will never understand you, but hey, love you for you, and love him for him.) You lied, stole and cheated. You have come so close to going to jail, so many times God intervened.
You became a bum. A junky, a loser. You are so fortunate to be alive, to be reading this, a free, rehabilitated man.
Remember that 6 month journey. Keep your head up! Put this behind you. Stay strong. Help those in need.

Find what you love to do AND DO IT!

Love,
Yourself

P.S. DON’T F*** UP MICHAEL.”

I’m not too sure what pushed me to write this back then. I’m glad I did though. I read it once in a while and I reflect on where I was and what life was like being an addict. It’s like a book mark. When I see it, it puts me right back where I used to be for a short time. It helps me be grateful for everything I have. It helps me stay humble. It helps me remain teachable. I don’t ever want to go back to that lifestyle ever again. I can’t. I know it will destroy me. It will kill me.
I thank my heavenly Father above for the strength to keep moving forward each and every day. I hope this helps someone in one way or another.

God Bless you

Become Free. Become the Difference!

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It seems to be a regular announcement. I’m hearing it more and more. A friend. A friend of a friend. Someone’s family member. A loved one. A loved one over-dosing on heroin or some other familiar drug.

It’s sad. You will read in the obituary, “Died suddenly” or “An unexpected death”. A young girl. A young man. No one wants to admit that their child or family member has lost their lives to addiction or to a foreign chemical. Well, it’s not so foreign any more. It’s becoming an epidemic. I will soon update my past blog on ‘Drug Statistics’ very soon.

Not because I want to. Because I have to. We need to become more aware of what we are doing to ourselves and we need to start taking it a little more serious.

Many of us in my community lost a friend to drug abuse, she left behind two children.  It kills me. I hate hearing it.  It breaks my heart in so many ways.  Children going on without their mom.  Without guidance.  We can not be replaced.  We were put here for a reason, for a purpose.

Losing our lives to a chemical due to our own lack of self control was not what God intended.  We need to become more aware of why we resort to chemicals; destructive chemicals.  Why this generation feels the need to self medicate.  Why we ‘think’ we need medication for our anxiety and for our other thought processing issues. Seriously, we are living in a pill popping society and a self medicating world.  There are more mental symptoms than there has ever been.  But that is a whole other blog.

A few weeks ago, between my friends and people I know, I heard of 5 people in one week found dead or that were unable to be resuscitated.  They are dropping like flies.  I mean, it’s unbelievable.  Especially when it’s someone you know and someone you had thought highly of and that had so much potential.

Now they have shots such as NARCAN (naloxone), which are used to revive people, well, it reverses the effects of opiate and opioid depression.  Another words, when someone is overdosing, it will remove the high and wake them back up; in most cases.  And they, the pharmacies, are making more and more versions of these ‘Overdose Remedies’.  You would think this would be great right?  They’re saving lives!!!  Not so much.  They are just putting out a fire that is destined to restart.

Now addicts almost have a reason to overdose.  They think that they will be fine.  Often, if an addict is living at home, a  family member will have a ‘shot’ at hand, kind of like an EpiPen, ready for that quick wake up.

So where is the lesson being learned here?  “Oh, Johnny has a problem and we’ll be ready when it happens.  There’s nothing we can do, he’ll never change.”  That is called enabling.  That is exactly what we should not be doing.  Addicts need help.  Plain and simple.  Every chance we get to hold an addict accountable is life saving.

We have a voice.  We have the ability to hold people accountable.  We have the power to say no, the power to not enable people and to just sit there and watch them get devoured by their lack of self control, destroying themselves with chemicals.  They don’t have self control?  Be their self control.  Don’t just watch them decay.  Help them.  Find out how to get them help.  There are so many detoxes and rehabilitation centers all around us.  They don’t want to go?  They don’t want help?   Research treatment centers.  Talk to someone who has been through the destruction and has made it through.  Have someone who has been through the ringer talk with them.  Do what ever it takes. Pray without ceasing! You pray for them every day.  Pray for a way out.  Ask God to intervene in their lives.

This needs to stop.  Lets lead by example and step up to this wave of self extermination.

Become Free… Become the Difference.

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You have probably heard this before, in movies or even from your friends who think they are ‘too tough’ for rehab. Or you may have heard this used as an innuendo for people ‘giving up’.

Well, rehab IS for quitters. People who want to quit their addiction. People who have given up living their reckless life. People who have chosen to do something about their substance abuse problem. Unfortunately, many rehab beneficiaries are stipulated to complete programs like this as a result of a judgment from drug court. It’s good and not so good. Good that they have an opportunity to learn and get better; not so good because they are forced there and many times they are not ready for any improvement.

But there are the few who show up at a rehabilitation center seeking help. The ones who are all out of gas and need a tow. The ones who have given up, shut up and humbled themselves to be open for teaching and open to new behavioral changes.

I was sick as a dog my first day at rehab. I went to a Salvation Army, Adult Rehabilitation Center (ARC). And as good as I felt knowing and hoping I was going to get better, my body was not agreeing with me. I had stopped cold turkey off lots of opiates and only an addict knows what that is like, I need not explain!

The ARC is a Christian ‘working’ program. You have to work 40 hrs a week in the warehouse and you got a gratuity starting at a few bucks your first week. This program brought work ethic and money management back into my life, one of the many things you learn here. It was difficult the first 3-4 weeks. My body was withdrawing intensely off the drugs I was abusing for the past 10 years. But I eventually started to gain my strength back and learned why I did what I did for so long.

After working eight hours in the warehouse, they would feed us with very good sized, fatten me up, portions of food. They feed you very well! And after a short break to get cleaned up, it’s learning time.

The Salvation Army hosted great lectures, meetings and one-on-one’s with counselors that are extremely beneficial. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings were held a few times a week. It was so good to hear others talk about their issues as well as being surrounded by people of a common bond.

Most importantly, I got a chance to refine my spirit and being a Christian program, there were many chances to do so. I saw myself changing. I also saw many others changing too. We were given spiritual principles to live by, to learn from and to use for the rest of our lives. I learned so much about myself and why I did what I did. It was a great time for me. Me and another guy who I made friends with called it a ‘Spiritual Retreat’!

So in conclusion, you would think I lived happily ever after and it’s been smooth sailing, right? Wrong, I relapsed after 10 months and readmitted myself for another round. I actually completed the program twice, in the same year! (See Photo Above)

Again, I had a lot to learn! And it is possible to have fun while you learn. It was an experience I will NEVER forget. I have made many friends with whom I still keep in touch with. I also still keep in touch with many of the counselors as well.

I am, to this day, extremely grateful for the Salvation Army basically saving my life and grateful for the ones who shared their wisdom and insight and guided me along my journey.

If you are struggling and have no where to turn to, I encourage you to seek help, whether it be a detox, a rehab, or where ever you can go to receive help with your addiction. There are resources all around us, it’s up to you to make a choice.

Keep God first and He will use WHEREVER you are to help you make a difference in your life!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

You have a purpose… Become Free! Become the Difference!

The statistics are staggering. Prescription and nonprescription drug abuse is on the rise. Millions of Americans are resorting to painkillers and mind altering substances each day to take their problems away. To bring them to a whole new and different level. To take them on a synthetic mind altering vacation.

“Substance abuse treatment admissions for non-medical use of prescription pain relievers have increased more than 400 percent over 10 years, according to a new government study.”
(http://www.drugs.com/news/more-americans-abusing-painkillers-25570.html)

Yes, we can blame the government all we want. We can blame our friends, the doctors or the drug dealers. However, the underlining decision is made in our heads. That mass in between our ears called a brain. We choose our path daily. We have no one to blame but ourselves.

“Center For Disease Control and Prevention (CDC’s) analysis shows that 38,329 people died from a drug overdose in the United States in 2010, up from 37,004 deaths in 2009. This continues the steady rise in overdose deaths seen over the past 11 years, starting with 16,849 deaths in 1999. Overdose deaths involving opioid analgesics have shown a similar increase. Starting with 4,030 deaths in 1999, the number of deaths increased to 15,597 in 2009 and 16,651 in 2010.
In 2010, nearly 60 percent of the drug overdose deaths (22,134) involved pharmaceutical drugs. Opioid analgesics, such as oxycodone, hydrocodone, and methadone, were involved in about 3 of every 4 pharmaceutical overdose deaths (16,651), confirming the predominant role opioid analgesics play in drug overdose deaths.
The researchers also found that drugs often prescribed for mental health conditions were involved in a significant number of pharmaceutical overdose deaths. Benzodiazepines (anti-anxiety drugs) were involved in nearly 30 percent (6,497) of these deaths; antidepressants in 18 percent (3,889), and antipsychotic drugs in 6 percent (1,351).”
(http://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2013/p0220_drug_overdose_deaths.html)

Unfortunately, there are more and more synthetic drugs turning up on our streets. And unfortunately drugs like Molly, are making statistics on their own. No matter what the name, no matter what color it is and no matter how it infects our demographic, drugs destroy.

There is some good news. Recovery seems to be on the rise as well. About 10% of Americans are recovering from drug addiction. There seems to be enough strength left to overcome these statistics if we work together, help one another and fight this war on drugs.

“The Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services (OASAS) study is an important contribution to the public’s understanding of recovery, as it represents the actual voices of millions of Americans whose lives have improved because they are living free of alcohol and other drug problems,” said Steve Pasierb, President and CEO of The Partnership at Drugfree.org. “This new learning provides a big reason – more than 23 million reasons – for all those who are struggling with their own, or a loved one’s substance use disorder, to have hope and know that they are not alone. These findings serve as a reminder that addiction is a treatable disease and recovery can be a reality.
(http://www.drugfree.org/newsroom/survey-ten-percent-of-american-adults-report-being-in-recovery-from-substance-abuse-or-addiction)

With over 23 million people getting stronger and learning from their mistakes. With over 23 million people knowing what it is like to suffer from drug addiction. I think if we continue to let others know what happens and what could happen when using and abusing drugs, we, together, can make a difference in these statistics. If we become the difference. If we are willing to share our time with people, willing to offer help and a way out, we WILL be the difference!

sick and tired

If you are a full blown addict, you know there are days where all the lying, cheating and stealing has caught up to you.

Nobody trusts you, nobody wants to be around you and nobody cares. You have exhausted all your resources for scheming money and you’re broke as a joke. Withdrawals and depression are setting in and there are thoughts racing through your head; robbing stores, stealing money, your mind is coming up with crazy ideas to make itself feel good. There is nothing you can do so you sit on a couch or lay in bed all day.
You’re starving but you can’t eat, you have to piss so you lean over and piss into a Gatorade bottle. You’re stomach is making noises and shivers set in. The only time you get up is to release diarrhea out your rear end every half hour. Your legs start moving in a bicycle pattern; trying to get comfortable. Hot and cold sweats arrive, heart palpitations, cramps, insomnia, racing thoughts and nightmares from 10 minutes of so called sleep. Hygiene is out the door.

You are so fatigued, walking even seems to be too much. That Suboxone you had saved for today is gone. Why you thought one little corner of a Suboxone would make your life better is a mystery. You make a frantic phone call to your drug dealer to get anything to make you feel better and he’s not answering, you pissed him off too. You know you’re screwed. There’s nothing you can do. Now it’s time to think of ways to die.

Suicide sounds like a very good alternative at this point. But as quick as you think of it you realize you can’t do it.

People, here is a new definition of being Sick and Tired. What is explained above is a tiny bit of what a drug addict goes through. Why do we put ourselves through this? Ask me now, I can’t give you an answer… ask me then, I would have had plenty of answers!

Believe it or not, these times where we get sick are probably the best times where God is most likely shouting at us… “HEY, WAKE UP, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!”

Although it’s depressing and we feel like we’re dying, it’s the lowest we can go, the only way from here is up. Yes, it may be the 700th time you have stopped cold turkey but you know deep down inside you can’t keep doing this. “Why do I do this to myself?” “Why can’t I stop?” “Oh my God, I have a serious problem don’t I.”

Listen, there are places, especially today, everywhere, that offer help. Rehab is a great place to get away, take a vacation and get better; think of it as a spiritual retreat. Because that’s exactly what you will be doing, figuring out why it is you do what you do, why you turned to drugs and why you destroyed your life.

Once you get some clean time under your belt, you start seeing more clearly. The obvious is revealed. Happiness slowly becomes a daily feeling. Bridges are mending. Family starts trusting. Money is getting saved. You start filling your gas tank instead of just putting a few bucks in just to get from one hustle to the other. You don’t wake up in the fetal position, sweating and freaking out anymore. Life is good.

It’s a daily walk. You do a devotion every day. You pray. You pray for yourself. You pray for others. You want to help others with what you have learned and the experiences you have gone through. You go to church. You fellowship with other people with this common bond of addiction. You have clean time and you are stronger than ever!

And you realize it’s not you. It’s God. It’s ALL HIM. That daily reprieve, that daily surrender, that daily prayer is what is keeping you from using again and keeping you from not wanting to live a life of being sick and tired all the time.

One thing I have noticed along my journey, even today, is everyone who is living a clean life and continues living a clean life from their drug abused past, in one way or another, has God first in their life.
Be grateful. Be humble and remain teachable!