Posts Tagged ‘clean time’

Relapse? I hate to say it but it’s part of recovery, it’s part of learning and part of growing!

There is nothing worse than being close to having a year clean and then blowing it! What was that voice that said “one more”? And why did you contemplate with it and in turn, agree with it? Why is it that the same voice that tempts you to use is the same voice that ridicules you after you do? Oh, and once you relapse, it’s not just a walk in the park to get clean again. Usually we go for a nice ‘run’ thinking nothing of the consequences of our actions.

Funny isn’t it? But deep down inside we know what we are doing is absolutely ridiculous. We know we can’t live like this. All the meetings, prayer, rehab time, talks and all the promises we have made start taking toll on our conscience. It’s a battle. This is why relapses get shorter and shorter. This is why we sometimes need to relapse. To remind our brains that this is definitely NOT the right way to live.

It’s not recommended. You will NEVER hear “go and relapse one more time to remind yourself of how bad life gets” in an AA or NA meeting. Or at church for that matter. You’ll never hear it. Why? We know what it does. We know it will destroy our lives and our relationships! We know it may kill us! We also know for a fact we can not moderate it. So ‘once’ is ludicrous. Thinking ‘one more time’ is an absolute joke. We are addicts. We do not understand what one or once means. It’s a different language. A language we will never understand. So the next time you tell yourself ‘just once more’, get ready for a painful journey.

Getting better after a relapse or a run is just simply painful. If you end up back in rehab or a detox, the first question that repeats itself during your insomnia is “what the heck was I thinking?” Guilt, shame, heartache. “I’m never doing that again.” …That’s what you said last time.

Maybe this time will be your last time? Maybe you learned your lesson? MAYBE you had to go through the painful process one more time, to wake up and realize, “I can’t do this on my own.”

Well, your way got you here, to rehabs and institutions. Your way got you to the bottom of the pit.
Some of us seem to relapse for a living. We get a few weeks or a few months and we are back at it! Years and years of getting better then messing up.

What’s missing? When will I get to my own conclusion on how to control this virus infested thought process? One day you will. One day you will overcome this so called disease of addiction. One day, if you haven’t already, you will come to an understanding that you alone will never conquer addiction.

There is nothing YOU can say or do that will minimize the effects of this evil empire. Addiction is on steroids, awake at all hours, doing push ups and eating fire for breakfast. It’s always a million steps ahead of you. It’s the Manipulator, the Persuader. Battling it by yourself is simply suicide. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12.

Call upon God daily. ‘IF’ He is with you, who can stand against you? Go to meetings. Call people. Further your education, explore your recovery. Get your feet wet! Ask questions! Persevere in faith until your believing becomes knowing! KNOW God is with you every step of the way!

Relapse does make you stronger. Relapse is also a painful reminder of what not to do. Yes, it does happen. If you fall, get back up and move forward!

Remember, a skyscraper takes years to build and only seconds to destroy. Be strong, Be courageous!

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Why do people use? Why do people hurt themselves? Why do we tend to do what’s bad for us?

We smoke. We use drugs. We drink ourselves to an oblivion. We murder, rape, start wars, fight, argue, steal, cheat, lie, commit suicide and you know there’s much more.
So I guess it’s safe to say that if someone kills someone they most likely have some issues correct? I know it’s an extreme, but it’s also true. If someone robs a bank, there is an underlying problem. If someone decks you in the head, whether it be that you deserved it or not or if that person just had issues, it happened for a reason.

My point is we didn’t just one day say to ourselves “I’m going to start using drugs and destroy my life” or ” When I grow up, I want to be a drug addict”. There is a reason why we chose our drug, be it alcohol, drugs, overeating, cutting, pornography, whatever it is. Either there was something missing and we tried filling it or we simply got led astray and came to love it. Either way, we got addicted. We had an absolute love and desire for it, yearning for it day and night.

Finding out what’s behind why we do what we do will allow us to grow. If a tire has a nail in it, you remove it right? If your computer has a virus, you remove it. If there is something keeping you from moving forward, don’t you want to know what it is that is holding you back? Getting to the bottom, the foundation of our problems, will allow us to understand, overcome and reveal our purpose.

Our hearts do not want to be exposed while we are in addiction, so getting to the underlying issue may take time and may be painful. What ever we are covering up, we are covering up for a reason and we most likely have a very strong wall over it. Letting people into our dark past can be difficult. We do not want our secrets brought into the light. Our pains, our struggles, our losses, our regrets. I mean, the last thing you want to do is tell someone something that you think will make them think differently of you. And obviously it’s something important and personal.

So how does one remove an underlying issue? How do we put the past behind us? How do we let go of our darkest secrets and move forward?
1- Repenting, asking God to forgive you of your past. Being an addict hurts everyone you love, including yourself. So asking God to forgive you of your destructive path will renew you. “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19

2- Tell someone. Now, this can be difficult but it is also very helpful. You may break down and cry. You may start shaking and cursing and God knows what else, but it’s worth every second of it. The bible tells us “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9. Oh, well that’s a bunch of BS. No, it’s not, I am living proof and so aren’t millions of others! Whether you confess to a person you can trust or to God Himself, you will be cleansed in one way or another! Crying is a sign of surrendering, giving up, a removal of a wall. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying! This weakness will make you stronger!!!

3- Forgive. If something happened to you in the past as a child or you got cheated on, going through a divorce… Forgive. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14 Forgiving may take time but once you do, you are letting go!

I think these three things are extremely helpful in getting to the underlying issue of addiction. Once you release the problem you can then start working on the issues. Becoming free, becoming unchained, becoming unburdened from our old way of living will lead us in a whole new direction and open a life changing path to travel on! And knowing why it is you do what you do, is overcoming an obstacle you may never have to overcome again!