Over and Over and Over!

Posted: January 15, 2014 in Drugs Subsidiary, Faith, Grateful, Sanity
Tags: , , ,

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I went to CR, Celebrate Recovery, last night. We went over the twelve steps and being a meeting which is filtered through the Word of God, all the steps had a relevant bible verse which supported each step. Then we broke off into groups. The men got together in one group and the women got together in another. It’s nice because you get to share with each other, the common struggles that each of us go through.

The discussion topic was on sanity and had a two part question, “What do you keep repeating over and over again, expecting a different result? What result are you looking for?”

It’s a funny and very fitting question. So I related it to my addiction. When I was using and abusing drugs, I was continuously chasing a high with the same result. I knew how I was going to feel. I knew it would only last for an hour or so. I knew that the same consequences were going to arise every time but I kept doing it every day for years.

Why did I keep chasing the same result? Why did I constantly obsess over and adapt to the same old routine? I had no idea, at the time. My day started with hustling and stealing and getting my fix. I knew how I was going to feel every time. I knew that getting high took focus off my problems and my daily stress, I also knew that I was going to withdraw off the chemicals that I put into my body. So why, over and over, did I continue doing this expecting a different result?

Well the more and more I used, my tolerance grew stronger and stronger. So I actually did get a different result every time. I got higher and I got a more euphoric mental vacation. I was looking for a better result every session. I needed that same feeling if not better.

I do the same thing with other things as well. I will take a ride to McDonalds, get a McDouble and a small fry, knowing it will give me a stomach ache, and continue to do so about once a week. Why do I do that? I have no idea! It’s like playing with fire in a careless way, I know I’m going to get burned, but I play with it anyway. Or when we get into a relationship with someone who is using, knowing that it won’t work, but go ahead and keep meeting up. How about going into work with an attitude, knowing we are going to start conflict, and continue being a miserable brat while expecting people to just get over it. The list goes on and on.

So we went around the room and the guys gave their synopsis on the question. It was amazing to hear all the different battles and struggles they were dealing with. It’s good to hear what others are going through, it puts your life into perspective.

As we concluded the meeting, I realized that we keep chasing comfort of some kind. We keep doing things over and over looking for a serenity and a peace of mind that we never seem to accomplish. Especially in habitual and addictive circumstances. So why? Why this constant attempt to fill in a void we just can’t seem to fill?

Then it hit me. We search and search for a savior. Something to free us of our strife. Something to make up for the past and even the future. We do things to make us happy. We do things like we are trying to solve a puzzle but there is never an answer and if there is an answer, it is temporary.

I am convinced, after struggling with drugs for a decade, and other mindless quirks, that God wants us to come to Him with all of our problems. He wants us to put Him first and to rely on Him when we are in need. Just being a Christian and a ‘believer’ isn’t enough. I have been a Christian most of my adulthood, however I never really walked the walk the way I was supposed to. I went to church here and there. I hung out with a few people that were strong in the faith but most of the time I was living life on my terms.

Surrendering daily, hitting meetings, attending church, praying, reading the bible and constantly talking with God keeps me on the right path. I am persistently seeking Him every day. I want to because I know it’s what I’m supposed to do and I love reaping the benefits! I feel blessed. I don’t have much but I am extremely grateful for what I do have, especially having my obsessive and compulsive nature behind me. Putting Him first keeps me humble, keeps me grateful and helps me remain teachable.

It’s an amazing life following our Creator. It’s in us to worship a Savior, it’s in our DNA to come to our Father with our problems, our struggles and most of all our praise! He deserves ALL the glory. Call upon Him and seek Him daily. You will find a loving and caring God which no chemical or any other path can replace!

Become Free. Become the Difference!

Comments
  1. Gede Prama says:

    thank you, the article and the true happiness rays began to warm hearts, when we share it with sincerity. Greetings from Gede Prama šŸ™‚

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