Relapse Happens?

Posted: September 9, 2013 in Relapse
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Relapse? I hate to say it but it’s part of recovery, it’s part of learning and part of growing!

There is nothing worse than being close to having a year clean and then blowing it! What was that voice that said “one more”? And why did you contemplate with it and in turn, agree with it? Why is it that the same voice that tempts you to use is the same voice that ridicules you after you do? Oh, and once you relapse, it’s not just a walk in the park to get clean again. Usually we go for a nice ‘run’ thinking nothing of the consequences of our actions.

Funny isn’t it? But deep down inside we know what we are doing is absolutely ridiculous. We know we can’t live like this. All the meetings, prayer, rehab time, talks and all the promises we have made start taking toll on our conscience. It’s a battle. This is why relapses get shorter and shorter. This is why we sometimes need to relapse. To remind our brains that this is definitely NOT the right way to live.

It’s not recommended. You will NEVER hear “go and relapse one more time to remind yourself of how bad life gets” in an AA or NA meeting. Or at church for that matter. You’ll never hear it. Why? We know what it does. We know it will destroy our lives and our relationships! We know it may kill us! We also know for a fact we can not moderate it. So ‘once’ is ludicrous. Thinking ‘one more time’ is an absolute joke. We are addicts. We do not understand what one or once means. It’s a different language. A language we will never understand. So the next time you tell yourself ‘just once more’, get ready for a painful journey.

Getting better after a relapse or a run is just simply painful. If you end up back in rehab or a detox, the first question that repeats itself during your insomnia is “what the heck was I thinking?” Guilt, shame, heartache. “I’m never doing that again.” …That’s what you said last time.

Maybe this time will be your last time? Maybe you learned your lesson? MAYBE you had to go through the painful process one more time, to wake up and realize, “I can’t do this on my own.”

Well, your way got you here, to rehabs and institutions. Your way got you to the bottom of the pit.
Some of us seem to relapse for a living. We get a few weeks or a few months and we are back at it! Years and years of getting better then messing up.

What’s missing? When will I get to my own conclusion on how to control this virus infested thought process? One day you will. One day you will overcome this so called disease of addiction. One day, if you haven’t already, you will come to an understanding that you alone will never conquer addiction.

There is nothing YOU can say or do that will minimize the effects of this evil empire. Addiction is on steroids, awake at all hours, doing push ups and eating fire for breakfast. It’s always a million steps ahead of you. It’s the Manipulator, the Persuader. Battling it by yourself is simply suicide. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12.

Call upon God daily. ‘IF’ He is with you, who can stand against you? Go to meetings. Call people. Further your education, explore your recovery. Get your feet wet! Ask questions! Persevere in faith until your believing becomes knowing! KNOW God is with you every step of the way!

Relapse does make you stronger. Relapse is also a painful reminder of what not to do. Yes, it does happen. If you fall, get back up and move forward!

Remember, a skyscraper takes years to build and only seconds to destroy. Be strong, Be courageous!

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